The work that I desire to do in India is for God. But the more I have been thinking about India this week, the more God has been working in my heart to teach me what that really means. As I read through the book, "The Wild-Bird Child," about the life of Amy Carmichael, my heart longs to have a life like hers. But then again, can I even begin to understand the amount of strength she had in the Lord to do what she did? God has been showing me so much. I have begun to understand why God might give me the trials He does. Of course, it is easier to say such a thing when you aren't in the middle of one. But I do believe with all my heart that God allows all things in my life for a reason. God is growing and
teaching me for His glory. And for the time being, I believe He has called me to do His work in India when I graduate from JBU. Maybe that will change, but right now I cannot remove that call from my heart. I know that God works in and through me daily, and that His "plan" doesn't mean one part of my life. But I cannot tell my heart to stop hoping and anticipating that God will choose to use me in India. There is always the chance of God using this love for something different and greater, but for the time being the desire to serve God in India is like nothing I have ever felt before. Sometimes, I miss India so much that it would be hard to believe I have only spent three weeks of my lif
e there. Each and every day I have to remind myself that going to college first is God's plan for me and that it is in HIS TIME. I must be careful to make sure I am asking God to use me in His plan, rather than inviting Him into mine. Through tears and prayers the other night I asked myself, "Do I love serving God or serving God in India more?" I think that at times I can become so wrapped up in the idea of serving that I forget to serve, and to really love the one I serve. I know deep done, that if it was not in God's plan for me to serve in India, as sad as that would be to me now, I wouldn't do it. I love Jesus with all my heart, and I would serve Him somewhere else if that is what He called me to do. And maybe that is all He is asking, for me to simply put Him first, as the love of my life. His plans are beautiful and great. God is a big God who gave me a love for India and has my best interests at heart. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with excitement and fear when wondering how God will use me. All I know, is that the people in history who have chosen to follow Christ with all their heart and soul, thinking only of that which is eternal, have made huge impacts for Christ, whether anyone knows it at the time or not. I want to be broken, to be humbled, to be used. Some might say that I am too much of a dreamer and that doing this "sort of thing," like spending my life in India, is a lot harder than I think. I never said I thought it would be easy. But I know God never calls His people to things they cannot do without His strength. Some might worry about my strong desire to serve, and currently being a single woman, but the last time I checked, my God was stronger than any man. This does not mean that I won't serve with other believers, but my God loves and cares for me more than any human ever could. My Jesus is the love of my life, who will always keep me within His arms and will follow me to the darkest corner of the world. The way I look at it, I have nothing to worry about. As long as I am in love with Jesus, His grace will be enough.
e last few weeks have been so packed full of me surrendering my dreams and God give them back to me even bigger. I really have such a little idea to what He is calling me to do and what His plans are. All I know is that the more I give this dream of going and working with the people of India to Him, the stronger the pull is upon my heart. At times my heart will hurt due to me missing the beautiful country and the people there. Lately, my heart has been aching as it is pulled. Pulled by God. Each day I feel more and more that God is calling me to live a life that is way out of my comfort zone. That is exciting. It is also really scary. It is hard to tell people, mostly friends and family that I may be living in another country for the rest of my life. do I know that for sure? no. Do I know India for sure? no. Do I know who I will go with? no. Do I know what is going to happen? no.
