Coffee with Jesus

Sometimes I just have to write. Even when there is nothing important to say… actually I probably write more when there is nothing to say. Why? Because when I simply state that there is “nothing to say” it usually means “what I have to say is too hard to explain or too painful to share.” I guess that means I choose to ramble until something comes out. Several people have told me that I have a writer’s mind; maybe not the spelling or vocabulary of one, but the mind of one :)

Normally, I try to sound like I know what I am talking about when I write something that others will read. Tonight I know I don’t know what I am talking about. That’s while I’ll write until I do. Most of the time I find that when I write to God I begin to understand the fastest :)

Okay God, here is what’s going on…
So I am leaving for college in three days. I am not really scared for the normal things. More for the things that I’m afraid I’ll mess up. But you know I know better than that Lord. I know you’re in control; all I have to do is yield to you. You are my good shepherd. You will never leave me or forsake me.

Sometimes God I get scared and don’t understand. I don’t understand why you put me in certain situations and allow my family to fall apart. I know Lord, which you will work all things together for good for those called according to your purpose. I have seen you work Jesus. I guess I am just like your disciples… I walk and talk with you each day but still forget your power.

Jesus, you know I love you. I pray for you to humble me and teach me. And then you do. And then I don’t know what to do. I should praise you… that’s what I should do. I thank you for your patience Jesus. Jesus, I wish I could understand. I know I must simply go to you. I know that you being in me is greater than you just being here without your guiding, but I want both. I want to sit and drink coffee with you. I want to hold your hand as I tell you about my bad day. I want to feel you kiss my check and wipe away the tear. I want to hear the words, “I love you sweet child” roll from your lips. Give me that Jesus, I know you can.

Jesus, have I told you that you are beautiful lately? I think it quite often, but I don’t know if I have actually told you that in awhile. Today at church, when I sang about loving you and it being “well with my soul,” I meant it. Just sitting and chatting with you makes life better Jesus. You know the dream you gave me last night? The one where all the children from around the world were surrounding me? I would like that dream to come true. Jesus, if you just give me the power to yield to you, I can let you do anything. You can take me anywhere. Teach me everything. Don’t laugh… I know you are probably thinking that “I wouldn’t know what to do.” You teach me small things and I am puzzled for days, how could I be a missionary across the world and die for you? Well, that is where you would come in :)

Thanks for talking with me Jesus. You listen so well. Teach me that too. Let me listen to your voice. Tonight we can talk more… lets dream about heaven and what we will do. Tomorrow we can wake up and drink coffee, and then go on a walk… and then….